Context! / Contrast!

GENERAL MUSINGS

I am dying... Well that too but I am dying without being able to use the remote control. No longer can I surf the channels or switch back and forth between the quagmire that they call digital tv. I think only half of my constituency (I only used that big word because we're coming off a "special"election in California) will get this. No longer can I turn up the freakin' volume. I apologize if there are a Channel Changing Chicks out there!

I was thinking (I have a lot of time to think) that if I'm never able to walk again then I'll never step in dog shit anymore! Boy do I hope I'm searching for a stick someday to scrape the shit out of my waffle bottom shoes!

You know my Dad is sleep deprived when he is brushing my teeth manually with an electric toothbrush that is fully charged!

Context /Contrast

One of my good friends from work (Keith Zoellner) used to say "context is worth 100 IQ points". For you mo-rons that can't figure out what that means let me give you some context! If you lack the background in a particular topic, context provides you with the necessary information to make you a lot smarter. For some reason I chose to share that with you, but my story has a lot more to do with contrast than context.

A few weeks ago I was having a really bad day. I used to tell people that worked for me (or anyone who would listen, for that matter) that if you never had a bad day then you wouldn’t know what a buenos dias was. Isn't it interesting that when I speak Spanish it comes out easier than English? It must be a sign of the times. At least here in California or Texas or any of those states with multiple cases of H1D1 flu (I didn't want to be politically incorrect by calling it the Swine flu). And now I can now even talk to the nice people that clean my house (now that is politically incorrect!). Boy, I digressed like no mañana ... I'm really stubborn about taking my own advice even though it would serve me well right now.

Health Update

Not so bueno. I'm relegated to only eating pureed foods or soft foods like pudding or ice cream. I'm officially not a food snob anymore (I hate the word "foodie"). Ever wonder what an In 'n Out Double Double pureed would taste like? I'm dying to find out! On second thought... That's a really poor choice of words. Something like "I'm very interested in what that would taste like" would be more appropriate. Anyway, a blender used to mean good times. I never thought I would hate the sound of one.

The good news is that pureed foods and all I'm still holding my weight. Keeping those pounds on is muy importante!

To breathe or not to breathe? That is the question.

A play on Shakespeare's Hamlet. Pun intended. I have included the full quote at the end of my blog. It is alarmingly pertinent to what I'm going through right now.
I have a very difficult decision upcoming over the next few months. It may be sooner, it may be a little longer. It is a decision that only I can make and it is a very lonely decision indeed. The decision is whether or not to pursue artificial or mechanical ventilation.

There are so many factors to consider. It is very overwhelming! I can't fathom the thought of no longer being part of my kids life or never being able to see them ever again.

As a very active person, I also can't fathom the thought of being confined to this fucking wheelchair for the duration of my life. No longer being able to drink anything! I can't imagine eating baby food the rest of my life or as long as I can actually eat. There are so many factors to consider. How long will my parents have the physical and/or mental capacity to care for me? There are myriad financial aspects to consider. On a side note... No, I didn't accidentally leave out the "a" in front of myriad. The proper grammar is to leave the "a" out. It is one of pet peave's when newscasters and writers include the "a" without their editors' catching it. If you didn't know before, now you know.

My breathing scores have dropped rather rapidly since the beginning of the year. I go in for more tests on May 29th. If the doctor's had their way I'd have the surgery tomorrow if I decided to have it done. If you've seen me recently then you may be confused. For all intent and purposes it appears that I am breathing just fine. The problem is that when I sleep or nap my breathing could potentially stop.

I have all these reminders to Never Give Up. A Winston Churchill magnet that quotes him saying Never Never Never Give Up! Hell, my son, Trevor has it tattooed across his back!
I always claimed when this time came I would make my decision based on research in not only finding a cure but finding a way to reverse the symptoms. There are some promising developments but the pace is as slow as molasses in January (ask my Dad about that one).

A very lonely decision indeed! Love ya'll!

DD

ps. If you want to read the Hamlet quote in its entirety, please read on:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,

Must give us pause: there's the respect

That makes calamity of so long life;

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,

The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,

The insolence of office and the spurns

That patient merit of the unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make

With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,

To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

But that the dread of something after death,

The undiscover'd country from whose bourn

No traveller returns, puzzles the will

And makes us rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;

And thus the native hue of resolution

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,

And enterprises of great pith and moment

With this regard their currents turn awry,?

And lose the name of action.